An Hour at the Fair: Overstimulation on Steroids

*Everything I write is from my own personal experience. I am not a medical professional or therapist. What you read is my journey*

There is a wide range of research that shows victims of sexual abuse learn to see their entire environment as a threat. I recall one day at the Minnesota State Fair -I attended college not more than a 10-minute drive from the fairgrounds, or rather it is blazed in my memory. Nothing nefarious happened. In fact, it was an average fair visit for your average fair goer. However, in my mind a battle raged whereby every noise, movement, person, smell, and step was a threat. This memory plays out like a traumatic memory of my abuse: blue pants, red shirts, blurry faces, rides, noise is silenced, smells are overwhelming, and I hover above my 20-year old body watching myself twist and turn through the crowds. With $40 in my pocket I make the tough food choices and experience the fair through taste and absent any feeling. I could not even tell you what the food tasted like, or if it was good. My body was on autopilot. The entire experience a nightmare for my brain wiring that saw the entire world as a threat.

A large part of the recovery process is rewiring your brain -neuroplasticity- from viewing the world as threat. The process of which is exhausting, nearly as exhausting as existing in Defcon-4 24/7. The hard work is worth it. When you reach that moment where you look back on all the sessions all the steps forward and fully recognize growth you notice that you are no longer defined by what was done to you, but that you define who you are.

This story is brief. I don’t believe survivors need to write long exposes on their experiences for the majority to understand. In fact, if you are honest about what you experience and share moments that everyone has in their memory banks and in those memories share the different lenses through which your brain sees the world it will have the effect of encouraging empathy. And empathy is what we need. If those who have not experienced sexual abuse understand the devastating affects of trauma on victims they will work that much harder to protect all of society and seek justice for those