Fate Should Give
I wrote this poem in the winter of 08’. I woke up to freshly fallen snow lying atop tree branches and pines. They swayed mercilessly under the weight of the snow. The air was brisk, but not too cold. It was a beautiful morning, and even though I could see the beauty of the morning I was still filled with sadness that seemed to multiple being present in such beauty. The sadness I felt then has always been present in my life and I’ve not been very good at letting myself be comforted by my own hand or the hand of another. My ship of life seemingly traveled down a lonely river without a soul to be seen. The longing and sadness can be seen in this poem. I am posting it now because, after the last six months of facing demons and changing my perspective on life, I feel like this poem is no longer a ghost that haunts me, but reminds me of how far I have traveled in life and how much growth and progress has been made. I added the last two stanzas to reflect this growth.
Fate Should Give
The trees sway in pity,
As the snow crest ground portrays a false hope,
And the chill air proclaims despair.
Who am I to give in to this loss of humanity?
Who am I to grant pity her love?
Shall I fall into the black hole of despair?
Or weep away my childish cares?
Who can wipe away these feelings?
Who can show change the apparent dread of nature?
Whose features can fill my heart with care?
Whose words can make my blood feel alive?
Whose eyes can pierce my soul, and reveal the depths therein?
Whose touch can carry me away from this world?
Yea, must I wait in pity and despair?
Catch me when I fall,
This wait is more than fate can give,
Wipe my tears at night.
This wait is more than fate should give.
I waited.
I waited.
Waited for love.
Waited for a kind and gentle soul.
All I attracted were users:
Those who wanted me for what I gave.
Not who I was.
Then in pain,
Sorrow and despair,
I chose to show myself the love I so craved.
And in that cave of loneliness,
I was reborn,
A new man.
Given not to despair.
No pity to hold its renaissance fair.
Love for myself, my new creed.
